


Kiss Me

by emmykay



Category: Naruto
Genre: First Time, Humor, Impotence, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-16
Updated: 2011-11-16
Packaged: 2017-10-26 04:11:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/278547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emmykay/pseuds/emmykay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s Kakashi’s and Iruka’s first time together.  Kakashi has trouble dealing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kiss Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ericales (anenko)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/anenko/gifts).



> For ericales, who is super helpful, and made me think a little bit about the KakaIru tropes. I wanted to include some of her prompts from the [KaKaIru fest kissing meme](http://kakairu-fest.livejournal.com/43645.html#comments).
> 
> Prompts: _Kissing in public. Sleepy kisses. A misunderstanding about a kiss._

* * *

Six months.

When he actually thought about it, Kakashi couldn’t believe it. He had been dating Iruka Umino for six months.

It had been a wonderful time: full of discovery and magic. Of course, it had been much shorter than that in actual face time - what with his missions and Iruka’s workload. Still, a wonderful time. A time for learning about each other: Iruka’s mischievous sense of humor as compared to his own dry wit, the places where their tastes coincided and where it didn’t in the realms of music, literature, movies. There were many late night talks, walks, picnics. They shared things: discussions of philosophy, personal history, workout sessions, ice cream cones and sticks of yakitori.

It was like the ideal romance for the youth he had never had.

Perhaps Iruka felt that as well.

Kakashi hoped so. It would explain a lot. The nervousness, the blushing, the self-conscious looking at each other, the occasional fumbles when there really was no need for such, especially coming from such physically adept specimens as themselves.

He believed he had fallen for the charmingly straightforward-to-a-fault chuunin. He believed that Iruka had fallen for him.

It was an incredibly frustrating time. It was getting to the point where Kakashi could see the shade of blue his nether regions were turning. Because he and Iruka, despite all appearances of being adults, of being male, of being ninja, were not in any hurry. It wasn't because of the first kiss. Not exactly. The memory of it, while safely in the past and he could look at it with tender amusement, did not inspire poetry.

Their first kiss had been, in complete honesty, terrible. The idea of lips meeting lips, while wonderful in theory, was awkward in practice. Teeth, tongue, cheeks, saliva, mouth - it all took a while to sort out. Iruka had been terrible at kissing. It's like he hadn't ever done it before.

Which, Iruka explained, he hadn't. Not very much. Haltingly, he had mentioned that there had been bad experiences, some mission-related, some not.

While this might have been an initial turn-off for Kakashi, the earnestness to which Iruka took their relationship and kissing gave Kakashi much hope for later developments. Also, the speed at which he learned things, about what Kakashi liked and didn't like, was reassuringly quick. Iruka got to be quite good. Kakashi could put it down to his own tutelage, but that really smacked of a certain kind of unattractive egotism and he had always hoped to maintain at least a sense of controlled attractiveness about his ego.

He thought Iruka quite liked kissing him too.

Gods, when Iruka finally learned to kiss... well, suffice it to say that kissing Iruka should be something one needed to be prepared for. One could lose a lot of time on the road of life kissing Iruka or thinking about kissing Iruka or recovering from kissing Iruka. At times, their shared kisses were soft and warm and yielding. Other times, urgent and demanding. Sometimes, there was a laugh hidden in the kiss. There were the little pecks as they met, the deeper explorations when they had time, the little nibbles and licks slipped in between. Kisses stolen between Iruka’s classes, kisses of departure, kisses upon returns, kisses of love, and kisses of increasing hunger and yearning.

Then Kakashi would wonder about the monster he had unleashed.

Iruka turned out to be a great tease. There was much hugging and kissing, especially in public. But not so public as to be indiscreet, what with Kakashi's mask and all. But sometimes, Iruka really really pushed that line - or rather, pushed Kakashi behind a line of hanging laundry, or into the shadow of a large tree, or behind a convenient building, or in a two-person henge. Kakashi couldn't explain it, or talk about it with anyone. Not that Iruka could ever been seen to be the aggressor, with being a nice young sensei and all.

There had been moments where Kakashi would stand stock-still in the middle of a street in Konoha, his fingers tapping their opposite number in turn, over and over, his eye gleaming with an unholy light. He was thinking about Iruka, about the response the other man evoked in him, and the response he hoped to raise in the other man.

(So involved in his thoughts was Kakashi that he wouldn’t even hear the conversations around him.

“Mommy? What’s that man doing?”

“Baby, get away from him!”)

He cared for, maybe even loved, the cute chuunin-sensei. He thought he would explode with happiness when they met again after absences. Sometimes, if he arrived very late at night from a mission, he would sit in a conveniently located tree, gripping tightly to the branches, watching Iruka sleep. His eye gleaming with an unholy light, he imagined possible positions and clinches they might engage in.

(So involved in his thoughts was Kakashi that he wouldn’t even notice the occasional shinobi gathered underneath his perch.

“Genma-sensei, what’s that ninja doing?”

“You, genin, get away from him! You don’t know what he’s capable of!”)

 

* * *

But they had yet to have sex. Iruka refused to tell him who was responsible for the bad experiences - a well-placed preventative measure. At the idea of someone deliberately hurting Iruka so badly that he didn’t venture to date again until Kakashi blundered into his life, of the implied shame and pain and anger, Kakashi felt an immense, oceanic, protective rage. Iruka had long since moved past the events in question. Kakashi knew that he had no such ability to forgive or forget.

They had decided to take it slowly. Get used to each other. A simple story, really. One Kakashi knew he would not be telling his friends. (Bastards. They wouldn’t understand.) Their slow courtship contradicted everything a ninja symbolizes. Ninja live on the edge, live for today - there was no time for this delicate dance of modulated desire. And yet, and yet, and yet. Still they proceeded, carefully as walking a wire stretched over a chasm. They circled, knowing the steps, the final outcome, but happy enough with the process, the discovery.

Kakashi waited, confident. Iruka would be ready in his own time.

Kakashi really didn't mind. Who the hell was he kidding? He minded. Just that the alternative, no Iruka at all, would be like the choice between a drink of plain, regular water or nothing at all when there is a bottle of finest grade wine just barely out of reach and in plain view. And the idea of someone else was unthinkable. For a man whose parched throat could accept only a special kind of water, a certain taste of mineral and a particular sensation of effervescence, nothing else would do. He would rather go thirsty, thank you very much.

During their kisses, there was simply nothing else for Kakashi. Nothing. And so, Kakashi waited, growing a little more tense and irritable while away from Iruka. On occasion, he was downright crabby. But being kissed by Iruka is beyond anything Kakashi has experienced in the past, beyond his imagination, really. Because Iruka kissed with every fiber of his guileless self. For ninja, truth and reality are precious things from precious people. And Kakashi knew that Iruka had given those things to him, will always give those things to him.

But this enforced abstinence was driving Kakashi to ice himself down before and after any encounter, just so he wouldn’t molest his boyfriend. Not very much, anyway. Not that Iruka minded. Not very much, anyway.

So when Iruka finally gave the signal, Kakashi was more than ready. He was _on fire._

Nothing, nothing, would keep him away from his delicious little Iruka-sensei this night. Not Naruto, not the Sandaime, nothing.

* * *

  
It was a kiss that led to the signal. It was going very well, the dinner, the movie, the drinks following. But then, something happened with the kiss on the way home. It went really, really well. A softening of Iruka’s stance, a particular kind of leaning against Kakashi that didn't immediately register. Perhaps he thought he was reading into it, this sense of surrender, this want overcoming prudence. But Kakashi didn’t understand. Iruka had to grab Kakashi and make him believe this was the moment.

Kakashi gaped. “Now?”

“Yes.” Iruka looked down. "It's a long weekend, so no school for a few days. You don't have any planned missions for a while." He looked up, pleased with himself. "We've got plenty of time."

“But Sensei, but what if I wanted to go and watch some television after our date?” Kakashi teased, recovering.

“You know there’s nothing good on television on the weekend. I have a better idea.” Iruka smiled and kissed a trail across Kakashi's cheek towards his ear. He whispered, “Stay the night.”

They ended up at Iruka’s apartment. It was closer. Good thing too, with all the innuendo and laughter, all the groping and partial disrobing. There was Iruka’s urgency (o, delicious urgency and heat and desire, it was downright scrumptious on Iruka’s flushed skin - Kakashi’s mind took an unaccustomed flight of fancy) and then, Kakashi backed up to take off his clothes. Just don’t, he thought to himself, just don’t ruin this. _Don't think about hurting Iruka - don't think about what might happen if this does not go well._

Iruka looked up, smiling.

 _don't think don't think don't think_

Iruka held his hand out.

 _don't think don't think don't think_... Uh-oh, he thought. Something was just not right.

“Do you want to go to the bed?”

Kakashi just _couldn’t._ He clutched his clothes to himself, mortified. He turned pale.

The little crinkle in Iruka’s forehead turned into a downright frown. “Kakashi?”

 _Get up, get up, get up,_ he screamed at himself. Or rather, a particular part of himself.

“What’s going on?” Iruka asked, concerned, eyebrows furrowing together.

“Nothing! Nothing!” Kakashi let out a little laugh, waving a free hand. The other still held his clothes.

“Well, then,” and Iruka reached forward to test the temperature on his forehead. Kakashi was too astonished by the events of the day to move away. “Um? Are you feeling okay?”

“Yes, yes!” Kakashi’s thoughts raced ahead. Did they eat too much? Drink too much? Why wasn’t it working? He felt hot, and then he felt cold. He was downright clammy. His stomach hurt. But the problem lay in the places that didn’t feel anything. Why couldn’t he get it up? There was Iruka, warm and willing and _talking about the bed, damn it all. THE BED!_

He wasn’t aware of speaking out loud until Iruka answered, “Is this a problem for you often? I mean, we could try this again at some other point.” While Iruka was obviously disappointed, there was also an element of relief (maybe?) in the dark eyes.

“This has never been a problem for me before!” Kakashi declared, embarrassed, defensive.

“Oh.” The single syllable fell from Iruka’s lips, dropping like a lead weight onto the floor between them. “So it’s only been with me?”

“No! Yes! No?” Unintelligible, frustrated swears formed inside Kakashi’s head. He’d had partners before, damn it. And it was just fine. Sure, occasionally, it was mechanical and all surficial - but that was just mission sex. And mission sex had its purpose, like anything else. It wasn’t as if he didn’t know whether or not his equipment worked. It had, most emphatically, worked just a few days ago while thinking about this particular moment. Damn it. What the hell was going on here?

“So you have had this problem before? It’s okay if you have, I mean, it supposedly happens with everyone some time -”

“No!”

Iruka sighed and leaned back. He rubbed at his scar. “Don’t worry about it, Kakashi. Let’s just take a break.” He turned his back and put his clothes back on, quickly, carelessly. Rather like how he had undressed, but the feeling was all wrong. "We'll try again later."

“No!” Kakashi cried again, seeing the long-awaited moment vanish in a haze of blue agony. “Keep your clothes off!" This was supposed to be his moment, Iruka’s moment of fulfillment, of the heights their passion could reach. "I'll be with you in just a minute!” This was supposed to be about all of nature singing alleluias to their momentous joining. And if not heavenly choruses, then at least some “bow chicka wow-wow.” This was not supposed to happen, damn it. This - this - not-happening sort of thing was not supposed to happen!

Iruka turned his head. “I’ll go get us some tea.” He heaved himself to his feet and shuffled off to the kitchen.

Kakashi could hear Iruka’s small noises - the clank of the teapot, the water, the clink of drink and silverware. There was a bang of a cabinet door, a cut-off exclamation. Then, finally, a very very quiet sniffle.

Kakashi didn’t know what to do. If he was supposed to leave - he didn’t want to leave. But if he stayed, what else could he do? He stared at the floor.

Iruka said, bringing forth the tea. “Maybe - maybe - we try again. In the future.”

“Yeah, sure.” Kakashi didn’t accept the tea that Iruka offered. “Later.”

Exhaling, Iruka sat down, placing the tea on the table. Kakashi saw the faint dampness in the corners of Iruka’s eyes. Then Iruka quietly drank the tea himself, holding his head over the cup between sips, breathing in the aromatic steam. He did not look at Kakashi.

Kakashi Hatake did not admit defeat. But he was not above declaring a temporary retreat, there was no shame in that. He didn’t think so, anyway, even if the retreat was about something far more sensitive than life and death. Kakashi’s body had never failed him before. And never, never quite so spectacularly with an audience. “Look - “ Kakashi pulled away and fixed his clothes. Without finishing the thought, he walked to the door. He grabbed his vest. It was most definitely time to leave. “Got to go.”

The sound of the handle turning on the door brought Iruka back into the events in the room.

Eyes wide and a little moist, Iruka saw Kakashi prepare to go. Then his chin came up, and he grabbed the other end of Kakashi’s vest. “Don’t go.”

“Iruka," Kakashi sighed.

“Kakashi,” Iruka replied.

“I’m tired, I’ve got things to do tomorrow. _I’ve got to go._ ”

“Don’t go.” Iruka stubbornly clung to the vest. “Please.”

“You don’t understand - “ Kakashi began, desperate.

"I do - I do understand. Please. Stay. Or give me a really good reason. None of this 'I've got to go' crap. Tell me.”

He exhaled heavily. “I made you cry, I can’t stand it. I can’t stay here with you so sad.”

“You heard? Of course you heard. I’m just a little emotional right now, a little over-excited.” A rueful look came over Iruka's mobile face, swiftly wiped out. “Stay. Please. Kakashi - if you leave now,” Iruka’s voice faded. He tried again, firmer, louder. “If you leave now, I’m afraid you won’t ever come back. Stay.”

Kakashi looked at Iruka, the worry in the brown eyes, the pallor of his skin. His heart constricted in his chest. _Iruka._ He couldn’t leave him. He couldn’t be adding to this admittedly bad moment of their relationship. His hand released the vest. He went for the silliness that Iruka responded to so well - hoping it would ease the difficulty between them. “Okay. But if all we do is watch stupid weekend television, it’s your fault.”

Iruka laughed weakly, in relief. “I’ll take it.” He hung up the vest and took Kakashi’s hand to bring him back into the living room.

And so they turned the television on to terrible reality shows and drank the tea. Iruka leaned on Kakashi’s shoulder. Softly, his hair falling over his eyes, Iruka said, “I’m glad you stayed.”

“Me, too,” Kakashi murmured, and pressed his lips against Iruka’s head.

“I was so worried.”

Kakashi tried to joke. “Me too. What if my penis never works again?”

“I’d love you anyway. It’s important to me because it’s important to you - but it’s not the only thing we have.” Iruka pushed the joke aside. “I wanted it, I want you so badly, I wanted the validation of you wanting me, but I was scared that I’d only be disappointing you. In a way, I was sort of relieved, because it meant we didn’t have to prove anything to each other. Not right now, anyway.”

“Ah, Iruka,” Kakashi sighed.

“It’s true.”

Kakashi chuckled. His Iruka wanted him. “It’s nice to know you wanted it. There’s nothing for you to prove. I was afraid that I’d hurt you, that I’d disappoint you, and keep you from sex for another couple of decades. That’s a big burden, even for a sex machine like me.”

Iruka shoved his boyfriend’s shoulder.

“You’ll have to lie to all your friends about how excellent I am in bed - that I am a nonstop piston of man-action.”

Iruka sputtered with surprised laughter. “I wouldn’t tell them anything. It’s none of their business, anyway."

“You will tell them that, though, won’t you?”

“I can’t tell them that! It’s personal! And a lie!”

“Sure you can. I lie all the time. Besides, I need it to enhance my reputation. Man-piston action. Yeah.” Kakashi nodded in satisfaction. “That’s very good.”

“Where did you get that term? Icha Icha?”

“Nope. I made it up just now.” Kakashi looked quite proud of himself. “You need to use those exact words.”

“Okay, if it will make you happy, I will tell Anko,” Iruka said, even though he looked dubious. “You are a nonstop piston of - of -”

“Man-action.”

Iruka flushed rosily. “I can’t say that! It's embarrassing! Anko will be all over that like a cheap rug. She’ll tell everybody else in town.”

“Try it." Kakashi urged. "It'll be easier if you say it softly."

Iruka whispered, “Man-action.”

“Nonstop piston of man-action. Louder.”

“Nonstop - “ and Iruka halted, choking on laughter. “Nonstop - “

“You’re going to have to keep saying it until you get it right, Sensei,” Kakashi said, mock-stern.

After Iruka managed to repeat the sentence in a way that Kakashi deemed satisfactory, he asked, diffidently, “Doesn’t Icha Icha have any advice on this?”

“You’ve never read any of Jiraiya’s books, have you?”

Iruka shook his head. “But I always thought that his stuff would be technically correct, you know? Why would somebody write that stuff if it wasn’t correct? He seemed to do a lot of research.”

Kakashi laughed, the laugh of a man whose great experience has led him to believe that everybody has the same experience and then is surprised that there’s anybody left who is so innocent. _Oh, Iruka,_ he thought. _You are so adorable when you’re ignorant. How I look forward to debauching you... Someday._

“Icha Icha isn’t a manual, Iruka. It’s not “How to Sex for Shinobi.“ It’s fiction, erotica. A soap opera with lots of sex. The men are always ready, the women are always willing, the adventure always epic, and the animals are always attractive.”

“What?!” Iruka’s eyes became huge.

Kakashi laughed. “I’m kidding.” Sort of. Not that he’d ever tell Iruka that, gauging by his surprise. “It’s a fantasy, a dream. There is nothing reality based about it whatsoever.”

“Kakashi,” Iruka said softly, “you are my dream.”

And after that, it didn’t seem so bad.  


* * *

After hours of bad television, tea and popcorn, Iruka relaxed into a doze. Kakashi cradled Iruka in his arms and took him to the bedroom. He made ready to leave after watching Iruka crawl into bed.

Drowsily, Iruka tugged at Kakashi’s arm. “Stay. Come to bed.”

Nothing loath, Kakashi said, "Let me go to the bathroom first."

In the top drawer of the bathroom vanity, Kakashi found a spare toothbrush and a brand new tube of lubricant. He fought off an immediate tidal wave of surprise at the gargantuan size of the tube. It was unbelievable. He hadn't realized lube was even made in containers that big. What did Iruka think they were going do, to need all of that? Talk about expectations being blown, on both sides.

Kakashi crawled into bed, where Iruka was waiting.

“Ai!” Iruka complained. “Your feet are freezing!”

“It’ll just take a minute to warm up.” He took Iruka into his arms.

The sheets were fresh. Iruka’s hair smelled newly washed. There were flowers and candles on the bedside table. Kakashi’s heart contracted. His Iruka had done all of this for him. And he had failed in his mission to create happiness, to make love with his dear one. It was most lowering for Konoha’s finest warrior to admit this failure.

“I’m sorry, Iruka. For wanting to leave.”

Sleepily, Iruka said, “It’s okay, you didn’t.”

“I want to explain."

“Can’t you do it in the morning?” Iruka looked sleepy and grumpy. It was all Kakashi could do to not squish him to his heart.

“I just wanted to say - I was so worried about making this a special moment, that I think I stressed myself out. I didn’t want to hurt you, and I didn’t want to disappoint you. I know people think I'm a sex god - I’m sorry.”

And Iruka smiled, a melting, forgiving sort of smile. “It’s okay.” Iruka giggled tiredly. “I can’t believe you just called yourself a sex god. Some ego. I guess I was really worried that after all this wait, you wouldn’t think I was worth it. I know what people say. ‘Oh, poor Kakashi, there he is with that loser chuunin who doesn’t put out.’ And then when, after all this time, nothing happened, maybe I thought that those thoughts were right after all. Maybe it was too much waiting.”

“Iruka, there is nothing about you that is a loser. You’re the best boyfriend ever.”

“Really?” Iruka asked.

“Really. You’re an amazing kisser.”

“Really?”

Kakashi could feel Iruka’s whole body smile. "Of course, you had the best teacher there is." Then, softer, he said, “I’d wait a lot longer than six months for you.”

“Really?”

“Really. You know, we don’t ever have to do the sex thing if you don’t want to. It’s okay, but there’s a lot of other stuff we can do.”

“I’ll think about it.” Iruka smiled, and yawned hugely. He nuzzled against Kakashi. Without another sound, he was asleep.

Kakashi saw the faint remnants of tears in the corners of Iruka’s eyes. It grieved Kakashi to think that anything he had done had hurt his boyfriend. His lover. Yes. _Lover._ Even though they hadn’t done very much physically, he loved Iruka so much that he sometimes thought he would burst with it. (Burst from a different anatomical part than the part that would burst if he didn’t have sex with Iruka soon. If that part actually cooperated. Stupid part.)

Kakashi should have realized, that thinking too much about anything could ruin it. It was the zen of the whole thing - muscle memory and desire and emotion should take over. Hadn’t over-thinking always been something he had been warned against? At least, on the battlefield. Jiraiya’s heroes hadn’t ever been the kind that one would call “thinkers” in any sense of the word.

He reached over and turned out the light. He relaxed and let himself feel.

He fell asleep to the warmth spooned up next to him, the warmth in his heart.  


* * *

Kakashi could feel Iruka’s lips against his neck. A sleepy smile. He cracked an eye open. Early morning. It seemed dreamlike, their kissing, so sweet and lazy, with the slightest scrape of facial hair against his skin. Iruka’s shy, tentative touches, feathering across his skin was amazing. There was a gathering heat below his stomach, and as he began to breathe quickly, a burst of oxygen in his brain. And Kakashi could make no mistake about Iruka’s interest. And in that moment, Kakashi felt things return to the way they should be. Kakashi turned. Iruka couldn’t be mistaken about Kakashi’s interest, either.

He looked at Iruka, the faint white-gray light of the morning coming in through the blinds. And he saw that Iruka was smiling, and it was a wonderful thing to wake up to. Iruka murmured something sleepily, like, “you’re warm now,” and laughed a little goofily.

Kakashi was fond of sex in all lights, and all shades of dark too, for that matter. But there was something amazing about seeing Iruka in this light, the softness of it filtering through the morning mist outside.

Harsher than he intended, Kakashi asked, “What do you want?”

Iruka blushed. “If you really wanted - “

“What I want is less important than what you need. If you need something - let’s do it.”

Iruka took a deep breath. “Your - your hand. And your mouth on me. All over.” He flushed, deeply. “I like that very much." He looked away for a moment to the rumpled sheets around them. His eyes returned to look at Kakashi’s, shyly. "I also like the idea of - of doing that to you. Very much.” He turned even more pink.

The words coming from Iruka’s mouth - it was amazing. With that look on his face: anticipation and eagerness and desire and love. It was enough to stop the heart. Kakashi’s voice dropped, to a husky whisper. “It’s more than I could imagine.”

With their hands and their mouths, they pleasured each other, talking through their preferences. It was enough. It was more than enough. It was beyond amazing.

They were silent for a while as they cuddled after.

“I love you,” Iruka said. “And even without the sex, I would still love you.”

“I love you too,” Kakashi said. “And even without the sex, I would still love you. But you’ve got to admit the sex does add a new dimension to the whole relationship, don’t you think?”

Iruka had to agree. Then he laughed, a full-belly laugh. “Non-stop piston of man-action, all right. There won’t be any need to lie.”

“Damn straight,” Kakashi said, body, mind, heart and ego fully satisfied.

 

* * *

 _Extra scene:_

Kakashi waited outside of Iruka's bedroom window, late one night after a mission. Their sleeping arrangements were still new, still being defined. He didn’t want to impose. So, he dithered.

Irritably, Iruka opened the window. "Well, are you coming in? Or not?"

“You knew I was there?”

“I always knew,” Iruka answered. “What kind of shinobi would I be if I couldn’t figure out all your intent, just pouring off onto that tree? That poor tree. It has suffered a great deal for being outside my apartment. You can’t tell that’s why it started budding months before the other trees bloomed?”

Kakashi flushed.

“Well, come on, then.”

And Kakashi went.

**Author's Note:**

> Idea shamelessly stolen from Halco’s Sekira-ism - almost a fix-remix- if you will. (Because some things I liked, and some things I didn't, and honestly, some things I was a little, "huh?") I wanted Iruka to be a willing participant and to let Kakashi know he was willing, I wanted to deal with the tropes of 'first times' and fanfic sex, and I wanted to write something schmoopy (as opposed to the crack-fest I'd been doing recently).


End file.
